I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
