I'm so fucking centered right now
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
