At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
