she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
