That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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