i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
