Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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