just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
They have beer where we have blood.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
