I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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