My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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