I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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