he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
