I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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