Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
