I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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