just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
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This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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