my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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