I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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