shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
