We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
