i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
