i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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