Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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