I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
