I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
