i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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