Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
