Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize