Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
