it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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