I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
