The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
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I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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