I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
