my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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