I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
