What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
