He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
