i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
