The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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