my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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