I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
