I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
