"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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