Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
