P.S. I can't hear my feet
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
