Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize