we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
