i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
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I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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