We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
