I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
