margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
