I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
