why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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