"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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