what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
