so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
