my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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