Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
