There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
