what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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