Please, let me fuck your mom
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have already put on my inside pants.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
