you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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