this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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