good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
