Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
