if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
