My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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