either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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