You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
