I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Text me some of your sweat
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
