Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
