Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
this is an emotional support booty call
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
