You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
