i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
