im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
