Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
