hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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