I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
