Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
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Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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