i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How does it feel to date your dad?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
