dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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